So I recently (as in Wednesday) gave blood for the first time. I was home schooled for the latter part of my high school years so I was passed by with that opportunity most folk give for the first time. But this is all aside from the point I want to make here.

Let me preface this with two things - first, a statement/explanation for my sometimes crippling awkwardness, then, some advice which will be supported.

The statement/explanation: my personality (in actual, physical life) varies between opposite ends of the spectrum. One end being, "quite affable, even witty at times", with the other being, "unsettlingly nervous." Now, when something triggers the pendulum to swing into the latter's direction, like say, an uneasiness around needles, (or any sharp object whose sole purpose is to be inserted into flesh) my reaction/defense is to quickly attempt to swing it back into the Affable Spectrum. Let it be said, this does not work. Ever. What's worse, I know it never works, but it happens as if it were a reflex - which in some way I guess it is.

Now for the advice: when you make a joke - a joke which would be mostly agreed by all to be funny - do not (this is key) close your eyes or look away while chuckling at your own wit. The following should suffice as reason enough to follow this as the Word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Holy His Name be held on high, praise to His Glory.

When the time of the needles penetration began to draw inevitably near, (which, I should clarify, was not at all as painful as I thought it might be) affability was no longer a concern - in fact, I believe I was quoted that day as saying "fuck affability". So, the reflex kicked in, and I came out with a joke to sway the pendulum's opinion about which direction might be a good way to swing. With a slight smile, I said, "So do I have any control over who receives my blood? I mean, not for nothing, but I just want to be sure it ain't some black guy, am I right?" Following this, I chuckled to myself, lowering my head and closing my eyes momentarily. Upon opening my eyes, I realize the nurse (whom, it should be noted, was of African descent) has her back to me at the moment, and as she turns around, she has a pronounced scowl etched firmly into her face.

Let me add to my earlier advice. A joke, like the above, whose "punch", if you will - and I like to think you would - is predicated on the knowledge that it would be absolutely silly to think me a racist, is not one to make for the benefit of someone you have never met. Some people do not - and with marginally decent reason - find that sort of thing funny. Fucking ESPECIALLY when they neither see or hear you chuckle in a, "you KNOW I'm kidding" sort of way.

This branch of the Red Cross, along with a specific Wal-Mart and hair salon, has been added to the list of places I can choose to no longer enter.

EDIT: I want to clarify something further just in case someone who doesn't even know me in a vague way reads this. I live in a place where racism is still not something condemned by all, sadly. For my first 3 semesters in college, my art classes, and the friends I made were made up of all black people. Now, as I said before, I live in a quite racist area; so a frequent joke between us would be me saying things like, "this is why we keep you people in the back", and things of that sort. It was a way of poking fun at the redneck, racist, homophobic, bigots around us.

Sorry if this clarification was unnecessary for you, but people often have a tendency to WANT to take matters of race in the wrong way (at least when it's coming out of a white person - a white MALE at that). See, that's more of my pseudo-racist material, cause I'm witty, you see.

For fuck's sake, too, this journal was intended to be solely funny, and now I can't get off my goddamned soap box.

EDIT EDIT: I just realized I used the same justification every white person uses when speaking of the race of a contrasting color - "I've got tons of friends, who happens to black." Also, am I the only person who finds "happens to be black outrageously funny?